"Has your marriage irretrievably broken down?"

Today, a judge asked Max and me, "Has your marriage irretrievably broken down?"

The response? "Yes, Your Honor."

Ugh. What a loaded, complicated question, and what a quick, simple response.

For those of you who have never had to go through a divorce (but might be curious), allow me to describe what I've been calling D Day.

We had worked with a mediator (which I'd highly recommend) to navigate the process and draw up the papers. Legally, in our state, I was suing Max, so that made me the plaintiff and him the defendant. (Sounds kinda scary, right?) Our court date was established back in November, and then a few weeks ago we received a summons in the mail informing us to appear in court at 9:30 a.m. on February 19, 2013.

Initially, I wanted my parents to come to court with me (I am 33 years old, which is not too old to hold my parents' hands when I need them). After discussing the matter with my therapist (something else I highly recommend, but more on that later), I decided that I wanted to face this with Max alone. Just us in the car, just us in the courtroom. I noticed that most of the 30+ other couples in the courtroom couldn't even sit on the same side of the courtroom as the other. Meanwhile, Max and I not only sat together, but I grabbed his hand a few times. We were both hurting, and no one understood the pain like the other. I needed Max to get me through this moment.


D Day toast (through tears)

We arrived in court at 9:30 a.m., but we weren't called until 11:45 a.m. We listened to cases of couples dealing with parenting plans and houses in just one spouse's name and so on. Oh and there was the guy who said that his wife's check to the court was bounced so she was at an ATM getting $350 in cash and would be right back. When it was finally our turn, I had to sit in that chair next to the judge and get sworn in, just like on TV. The judge looked through the paperwork and then asked a few simple questions, like if this was my signature and that was Max's, and were we married in my hometown on October 24, 2009? And then, in judge-speak, the judge asked us if the marriage was over, for serious, did we mean it for really real? I thought I was going to puke when I confirmed that yes, it was over.

When we stepped out of the courtroom, we embraced. We couldn't let go of each other. He told me that this didn't change that he'll always love me. And we cried. Then we walked back to to his car, and we cried more. It sucked!

Then, my parents took me to lunch. I had two glasses of prosecco. And an Irish coffee. (Don't judge, it was a tough day!!)

It was right to have the time I did with Max, but then to have my parents' support.

If you've walked this road, what was your day in court like? Do you have any regrets about how you handled yourself that fateful day?