Incredible Sex is Turning Me Into an Asshole

I only want to use you for Incredible Sex!

As you know, I’m still sometimes having Incredible Sex with Jason. And that makes me an asshole.

It’s possible for someone to be a hookup buddy only (for example, the 26-Year-Old and I have been hooking up off and on for a year with no emotional fallout whatsoever). In November and December, I thought that Jason could handle us just screwing, but I’m realizing that he can’t. He keeps getting attached. I know it, so I should stop talking to him, but moreover, stop having sex with him.

In the past few weeks, he has asked me out to dinner, if there’s any chance of us getting back together, etc. I have said clearly and firmly, that no, there is no chance.

One night, Jason confessed to me that he has considered trying to just fully change himself to be the guy he thought I wanted. I looked him in the eye and told him he should never, ever do that, not for me or anyone else. He would end up hating me (or whoever), and he should be true to himself.

“I hope this doesn’t sound too weird,” I said quietly, “but I know you would be a wonderful boyfriend. I’m not the right person for you and you’re not the right person for me, but that girl is out there for you.”

He knows I’ve been dating. In fact, during my brief stint dating John, I told Jason I was starting to see someone so no more nookie, as per our agreement. But what did I do the night that John dumped me? I texted Jason. Because I'm an asshole!

I don’t let Jason sleep over. We don’t really cuddle post-sex. We don't kiss hello or goodbye. 

So yes, my words are (mostly) clear. But I keep having Incredible Sex with him. That is confusing for Jason (even though it shouldn’t be…right?). 

I know Jason is confusing sex with emotion,
and I’m such an asshole that I don’t care. 

Wow. That really stings to see in print.

Jason texts me asking to come over and about 50% of the time I say yes. He still texts me that I’m beautiful. Hell, last weekend I had what I was calling a date with my four-year-old nephew (we saw "The Nut Job" and got dinner at Friendly’s), and Jason texted me asking if I would ask my nephew for tips – “Tell him I keep trying to land a date with his aunt.”

Sigh.

(I must point out that for all that he wants to date me, Jason continues to be very self-centered and needy for attention, so he only talks and thinks about himself. Not sure where I fit in to that equation. He never asks me about me. Like ever. He doesn’t ask me about work, my friends, my writing, my half marathon training, my Uggs, nothing.)

So why am I being such an asshole?

Yes, I went three years without sex (I know, right?! NEVER AGAIN), and the years before that I hardly had any sex then either. But my relationship with Max has been over since September 2012. Jason and I have been having Incredible Sex off and on for almost six months now. I think that my “I was so sexually starved!” excuse that was once so very valid is expiring.

Anyway, I think it’s time that I stop being an asshole. I’m not going to lie, I’m going to miss the Incredible Sex terribly and I do love the attention Jason showers on me (even though sometimes he’s really annoying about it). It’s awesome to feel hot and sexy and wanted. But it’ll be even nicer to not feel guilty about it.

Have you been an asshole and you knew it? or have you been on the receiving end of someone being a repeated asshole to you?

See also: 8 Reasons Divorced Sex Is So Much Better Than Married Sex